Tuesday 24 November 2020

Waiting










                                       

Hello.  Thank you for calling in.  It's been a strange time, hasn't it?  Autumn has been quite beautiful under sunshine, cloud and rain.  There are lots of trees around here, lining the roads as well as growing companionably in parks and woodlands, and whenever I have been out I have oohed and aahed at their spectacular colours.  It is a time of year which I usually love but this year has been different.  It seems to have been a season of waiting.

Five mornings a week the alarm goes off at 6.30am and the Best Beloved gets up, goes downstairs, feeds the cats, eats a bowl of cereal, goes into the bathroom to perform his ablutions, comes back upstairs with two mugs of tea and waits for the 'phone to ring with an offer of work for the day.  Most days it doesn't ring - it only rang once in October and this month it has rung six times so far.  If it does ring he dons his trousers, shirt and tie, makes himself a packed lunch, picks up his jar of coffee, mask, hand gel and briefcase and drives off to work.  If it doesn't ring by 8.30am he dons a pair of shorts and a jumper, picks up his walking boots and drives off to the nearest hill for a walk.  During this second lockdown the hill has been very busy as gyms have been closed and some of those who would usually take their exercise in a gym have been walking up and down the hill instead - the Best Beloved says this is obvious because they are wearing sports leggings, have headphones in their ears and carry water bottles.  He is glad the gyms will be reopening next week.

My grandchildren attend a nursery two days each week while their parents are at work and three times this term Cottontail has been sent home with a cough or a raised temperature and had to have a covid-19 test.  The whole family has then had to isolate themselves for two days while they waited for the results, which have been negative every time.  With a negative result, the parents have been able to return to work and the children to nursery.

I was offered a job in September.  It seemed genuine, the manager took up references and I had to complete a DBS application online and provide the company with evidence that I really am who I say I am.  The company owner told a friend of mine, who is his neighbour, that I am lovely!  After waiting in silence for a few weeks, I rang the office to find out what was happening and the manager told me that the owner has a different plan now.  She didn't actually say, "We don't want you anymore," but I realised that she meant it.  To use a cliche, it was a crushing disappointment.  

I have been waiting in for deliveries.  With Christmas approaching and non-essential stores closed, I have ordered gifts online (eschewing the large company named after a river in South America and choosing small, independent businesses instead).  Waiting for them makes me anxious, although it's not as if I have anywhere else to go, but the confinement is limiting.  I just know that if I pop outside to put something in the bin or sweep up the leaves, the parcel will arrive during those minutes and be driven off somewhere else, necessitating another wait on another day. I even worry about popping into the bathroom!

We have been waiting for The Mathematician to visit us for months.  Her planned visits in April, May, July, October and November were all cancelled by covid.  Each time we have a tentative plan the situation changes and the plan goes out of the window.  We all miss each other very much and she is as desperate to see us as we are to see her.

Like everyone else in the UK, we are waiting to find out what the restrictions will be in our area once the lockdown is lifted next week.  Will we be in able to meet with other households indoors?  Will all our shops be open?  And of course, how will we be able to celebrate Christmas?  I don't think we'll be able to hold our usual gathering of four generations from eight households but will we be able to be with both of our daughters at the same time?  Will my parents be able to see their great-grandchildren?  Will there be church services?  Will I be able to use the restaurant voucher which my sisters gave me for Christmas last year?

I am a planner, I like to know what's ahead of me so I have found all this not-knowing difficult to bear.  Last week, I decided that I can't carry on like this any more, waiting while the sand shifts beneath my feet.  It's shredding me. So, I decided that we will not make any plans for December, other than that we shall put up a Christmas tree on the day of the winter solstice.  We'll be very, very flexible and go with the flow - if we can spend time with our nearest and dearest, that will be a bonus but if we can't, we'll spend it "a deux" and make sure we have plenty of treats.  We shall make the best of whatever it turns out to be and I will not be disappointed.  The Best Beloved declared himself unavailable for work on Thursday and Friday last week and we had two lovely, relaxed mornings without hovering anxiously by the 'phone.  I felt the tension ease, physically and mentally.     

One thing I have done is buy this little book for myself.

Yuletide is a sort of Advent calendar, with a page for each of the days of December.  The introduction states,

"We would like to take you on a journey through the dark days of December by telling you a little about the festive season's ancient past, traditions, ways, folklore, stories, superstitions and musings relating to the British Isles."

Just my kind of thing.  My Advent calendar is eight or nine years old now, every January I fold the little cardboard doors back down and weight it down under a heavy book so that I can open them up again the following December, so I didn't feel guilty about treating myself to this book.  I bought it here if you fancy taking a look.  Talking Trees Books were an excellent company to deal with and I think I shall be shopping there again. 

Whatever is happening to you in your part of the planet, I hope you are safe and well and if the best you can do is to cope, scraping through by the skin of your teeth, well done.  You are doing enough.  Take care. 

See you soon.

Love, Mrs Tiggywinkle x




24 comments:

  1. It's good to hear an update from you. We do not know whether we will be able to gather with family or not over Christmas, and like you, I am making plans for just the two of us. We can drop off parcels and wave to the grandchildren and children in their driveways. All this uncertainty is unsettling. A time of waiting - isn't that what Advent is all about, too? Enjoy your new book!

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    1. Advent is one of my favourite times of year, I like the waiting, the opportunity to pause, be still and reflect but this year I expect it to feel different as we've been in a waiting state for so many months. I thought you managed Thanksgiving very creatively and I've taken heart from that. x

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  2. How nice to open my reading list and see it includes a new post from you!

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  3. It's still a bit fraught isn't it? I can't believe you were just left dangling about the job - sometimes I think people have forgotten common sense decency.
    I too will be happy when 'gym walkers' return to their normal exercise. Around here we can tell who they are by their inability to make eye contact and say hello.

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    1. I read that out to my husband and he laughed and said that it's the same here. He's hoping it'll be back to him and his regular friendly crew on Wednesday. x

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  4. Very strange times indeed for all of us in different ways. All the anxiety about work must be unsettling on top of missing family and friends. I remember the waiting for the phone when P did supply teaching for a while. We too will stay at home this year, I like your idea of putting up the tree for winter solstice and also your lovely Yuletide book. Take care:)

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    1. Rosie, it's so nice to hear from you! You've been in my thoughts. We like a real Christmas tree so it can't go up to early and over the last few years we've marked the solstice in this way, bringing in the light as our patch of the earth turns towards the sun. x

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  5. Hasn't it all been so disrupting. You had better go up that hill and enjoy the beauty all around, we've had some fantastic skies lately. One day we'll all look back and think how did we manage but we're hopefully heading for the end of it now as long as we can keep everyone safe in the meantime. x

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    1. I really hope so. I've started putting together a scrapbook so that we can look back on all this in a few years' time. x

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  6. It is a strange time for many just now, it will be good to have a return to some sort of normal, where we can at least make plans for the days and months ahead.
    I'm sorry you were let down regarding the job. I suppose things change but it would have been the decent thing to have let you know. X

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    1. Thanks Jules. I was a bit shocked because the owner seemed so lovely - he even told me that I was a blessing to them! I am longing for some kind of normal. x

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  7. That really is very unprofessional of those people not to notify you about your application and interview!! The virus has not only bought economical and emotional stress but socialnorms are rapidly changing too and one of those is manners!! Thanks be to Mother Nature who can cure our stress just by walking and contemplating her beauty! Looks as if we are going to be the same at Christmas....no big family get togethers!! tch! keep well Amanda x

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    1. Thanks Amanda. Yes, I have found great solace in Mother Nature this year, although I have really missed my camping trips. Isn't wonderful that something as easy as walking in a wild spot can be so healing? x

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  8. How disappointing for your with regards to the job. We are certainly living in strange times. Love the sound of your new book, hope you enjoy it.

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    1. I've been very good with the book, I'm desperate to dive in but I've set it aside and will start properly on Tuesday, one day at a time. x

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  9. Thinking of you in these difficult times. Whenever there’s a disappointment I always feel that something better is just around the corner. Hoping next year will bring much happier tidings for you and that your family is able to get together at Christmas. Fingers crossed. B x

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  10. This year has been such a challenge. I'm sorry to hear about the work disappointments, the disruption to the grandchildren's nursery times when they feel unwell, the additional Covid-19 testing and parents off work to deal with it all. I decided not to get hopes up for a family get together this Christmas. Our paediatric health visitor daughter based in hospital has had very little time off and this Christmas will be no different. The other children live too far away so that travel and other restrictions make it difficult to be together. Thinking of you and the family. I hope Advent will be a meaningful time and you will enjoy your book.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Linda. I think the only way to bear it is to refrain from getting up any hopes so that if we can be with family, it's a bonus. I know now that I shan't be able to see my parents, which will be hard on all of us, but I am grateful for digital technology which allows us to meet up virtually. x

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  11. So sorry to hear that nonsense about your job. Shameful behaviour on their part. Hopefully something better will pop up for you in the new year.

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    1. Thank you. To be honest, I don't the full import has really hit me, I'm just drifting through each day and glad to be alive. x

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  12. I'm so sorry to hear about the disappointment concerning the job, how rude to just leave you hanging like that. I hope you find something else and that the Best Beloved gets more regular work too. I think it's the waiting for things to happen that is the most draining thing. I know how disappointing it must be to have your plans with The Mathematician cancelled too. We haven't seen Daniel and Jasmine since last Christmas, as things stand we'll be able to spend a couple of days with them over Christmas. We're going into Tier 3 after lockdown so still no mixing households here for the foreseeable.

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    1. Oh blimey Jo! We are, at least, in Tier 2 so we have some freedoms, although I am very cautious. I met with a friend last week, we sat in the park 2m away from each other with hot drinks and when it started raining, we sat in our cars with the windows down and chatted across a parking space. Sending hugs. x

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